Thursday, November 02, 2006

recived e-mail

Being Scottish is about driving a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or aTurkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.
And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!
Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an>ambulance.
Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Sotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.
18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
and finally...
In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you're proud to be a Scot, share this!


Anonymous said...

I take it the statistics are worse elsewhere, the Scots being such safety conscious people!
I notice, as well, not a single injury or mishap due to drinking Scotch, single malt or otherwise... Bravo! Think I'll have another. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Those are good. Would make a great thirteen thursday.
The only one I hear about the Scotts is Scotch Whiskey which my dad enjoyed.
Plus I've heard they were cheap. I perfer the word furgal.

Have a nice day.

Anonymous said...


I think the number of fractured skulls due to barf in the toilet is low because in my experience with bar hopping crowd in edinburgh...not many actually made TO a toilet to throw up in. cousins can drink any canadian under the table and still act sober.

Anonymous said...

he he he , those are good. But some of them sound pretty american too. Although i will admit i never heard of anyone fracturing there skull while barfing in the toilet.

I fell asleep with my head on the toilet lid once.

Anonymous said...

Claire, Claire, Claire. Now I know from what part of the world the American Redneck descended from.:) All these years everyone has been blaming the Irish for such antics. Of course many Irish have Scottish descendants. I, too, have not heard of a broken skull while engaging the porcelain bowl but I have seen, and been, wrapped around it like a love goddess.

derrick said...

Hmmmm, I think we could change that to "Only in America" But we'd have to triple all the numbers. . and replace "Christmas Crackers" with hand guns.

UKBob said...

Ha ha that was funny/interesting. Everybody does the junk in the garage thing here too, I'd love a garage to put my CAR in - the 'keeper of the sheds' has all most of the garages around here to keep his junk in though and it broke his heart when he had to let me have a shed so I daren't ask for one of his garages too. How do you find all those pins they hide in new shirts?!! The darn things always get me!

Anonymous said...

"Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an>ambulance."

Oh, if that were only true here! Yes, a pizza delivery sometimes would be nice.

clairesgarden said...

so people are badley behaved the world over? or just where the scots have moved to?
UKBob, you need a magnet!!
glad you all found that amusing, I laughed at it and I'm sure I've had this e-mail before, one of those ones that does the rounds every so often!

Granny said...

Yes, most of them could be "only in America". Funny how alike we are in some ways.

Kati said...

ok, add "only in Canada" granny said, we humans are more alike than we like to think!

Kerri said...

I've seen an American version of this :)
People are probably just as dopey the world over :)