Tuesday, May 01, 2012


so busy sorting stuff for moving house.... no time to think!! had a laugh at this with my cup of tea this morning so thought I would share.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the creapes.

Velcro what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.


WILDSIDE said...


gfid said...

lol! thanks for the bedtime chuckle ...? moving? bad neighbors got to be too much?

clairesgarden said...

moved! bad neighbors turned to nightmare neighbors... house up for sale but not sure it will sell...

jc said...

I groaned at every one but loved them all too! It doesn't seem right that you are having to move home because of other people's behaviour.

susan said...

Why are bad neighbours like sausages? They make livingwurst.

Sorry about that but I got caught up. I hope you've found a sweet and quiet place for you and your garden not too far from Abbey.

gfid said...

having to sell your home because of horrible people is so wrong.... i hope you found somewhere lovely to go to - as Susan said, close to Abbey, with a lovely garden. and may the house sell without difficulty.

Providence Acres Farm said...

LOL! Those are cute! Thanks for the smile!

Steve Gordon said...

loved your jokes, can I quote you?

clairesgarden said...

Steve, I got the jokes in an email and copied them onto here... they're not mine but feel free to share!!